So hey you guys! It has been basically forever (more than a year) since I wrote here, and I really have missed it a lot. I’ve been buckling down on uni work and work work, and having a relationship (takes time, mainly of the empty, waiting-for-new-data kind, which is endlessly frustrating), and trying to work out who I want to be. Things that are big asks. But right now, I’ve got this essay I’m meant to be writing, and it’s sort of like how whenever you need to go to bed you feel super wakey, then whenever you need to get out of bed you just want to sleep: I can’t focus at all. I really, really want to be creative and feel the words chatter out from under my fingers and it turns out that an essay about the tripartite system of Australian government is just not the place for that. And I’ve also been reading some of Taylor Swift’s old blogs and soaking up the feeling of how amazing it is to craft something you love and watch it take form, and admiring how easily she writes both in verse and in blog form. And I also just uploaded my last ever roll of photos from my old camera that I used to take most of the photos on here – the last ever because it’s died now, and only takes super-smudgey grey photos, and uploaded only just now because I got an iPhone 5S at the end of last year so lately I’ve been relying on that to take photos of stuff I see around. And it’s pretty good. I take way too many photos with it to put on my Instagram, so I might have a play with the quality and see if I can post those photos here too.
Here’s some of what I found in that last camera roll: memories from half a year ago.
1. TAYLOR SWIFT’S RED TOUR
This is last December. Mum and I went to Taylor’s concert in Sydney – my second proper concert ever – and it was amazing, and I cried like an idiot (about 400 times – the first, humiliatingly, before she even got on stage and Guy Sebastian was still playing warmup, and Guy Sebastian is not that tear-jerking, so that was hard to explain, but there’s this buzz and drama to a space like that, where someone’s putting their creation out there for you, so broadly and loudly, with no safety net between them and you, that I couldn’t help it). This is from the very end, when she threw her arms in the air and confetti poured out at us, and some of it was heart-shaped. I saved a piece to hang onto that live-music feeling of huge potential for human error and the bravado that comes from avoiding it. The fragility of the confetti that make up such a big bombastic display seemed like a good echo for all that.
Last thing re. Taylor, I promise: her unreleased song Brought Up That Way is my latest guarnteed-to-make-me-cry-buckets song, super useful for my actor alter ego. (Just kidding.) (I wish I wasn’t, though.)
2. THE CITY
I love it because there are so, so many things you can do there, and I hate it because most of the time I’m pretty sure my heart’s desire is to live alone in the woods in a log cabin making things for myself and snuggling with people I love, and the city’s the exact opposite of that. I’m probably going to end up working there, though, so I also get that same not-wanting-to-go-to-bed, not-wanting-to-write-my-essay feeling of reluctance when I’m in the office block bits of it. Shopping in the QVB and finding new cafés to get cute cappuccinos from is wonderful though. Maybe I’m glad I’ll be a city lawyer because that way I’ll have money enough to do more shopping. But then I worry about all the people who don’t have that luxury.
3. I FOUND THESE SHOES AND THEY WERE AWESOME.
4. IN OTHER NEWS: I started a new tumblr (buying magazines every time I wanted a supply of pretty photos proved to be too expensive a way to get my fix). If you have tumblr too you should definitely follow me. And I’ll follow you back! Follows for all!
I’ve also started writing songs again, but I won’t bore you with those (lucky you) because so far they’re pretty me-specific, therefore boring to you and embarrassing to me.
I think we’re up to date now, in a very broad-brush way!
Hopefully see you back here soon,